I’ll take one Jill sandwich please

For over a decade I’ve had a crush on someone who isn’t real. Jill Valentine has always been my virtual girlfriend.  My wife is fully aware of this, and I’m not at all ashamed to admit it. It all started in 1996 when I plopped Resident Evil 1 into my PS1 console. I remember sitting down and playing the game in complete darkness while my buddy Mark watched in terror. After beating the game countless times I was eager to know more about Jill, who was she, what were her hobbies, where did she go to college, were she and Chris still an item? It wouldn’t be until Resident Evil 3, many years later that any of these questions would be answered. What I did know:  Well I knew she got kicked out of S.T.A.R.S for a while after what went down at the Spencer mansion and decided to go clubbing in Raccoon city to take her mind off things. I know she looked great in blue and was nice to Brad Vickers even though he was a chicken shit, but beyond these rudimentary facts not much effort was really put into this character’s personality.

After Resident Evil 3 I didn’t see Jill again for a while. It was almost as if she said, “Hey Ash, we need to take a break”, this made me quite sad. Sure, she popped up in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 and in numerous comics and remakes, but I wanted was to know more about Jill damn it. Then something catastrophic happened, screenshots of Resident Evil 5 were released of a steroid addicted Chris Redfield standing over the grave of one Jill Valentine. How could this be? What have they done? An out of game death of one of the most beloved female video game protagonists of all time? This is an outrage! A year passed until I found out the truth.  Jill wasn’t dead, she had simply gone blond and evil… like Wesker. Jill Valentine and her various mysteries lived to fight on another day! Why bring this all up? Jill has just been announced as a pre-order bonus character in Marvel Vs. Capcom 3! Guess who just pre-ordered?

You can’t escape my love.